i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize