anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
