my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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