I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
