Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
