I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
