College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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