): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
