she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
