Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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