The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
