Already got asked if we're dating
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
