It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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