He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
