so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
