Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can feel your judgement through the phone
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
