roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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