WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
