I seem to have left my pride at pride
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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