Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
