Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
