Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
