her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can I color on your dick again?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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