Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
