My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
