help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
