Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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