My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
