Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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