if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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