he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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