Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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