they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
