From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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