Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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