You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
