Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
