I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize