That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
