I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
