If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I faked an abortion last night.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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