And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
