I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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