Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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