You made eat vitamins until I threw up
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
