She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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