I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
