she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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