I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
