Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
