If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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