is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
