someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
