I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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