I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize