we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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