is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
