i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
