This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
