I won't be sarcastic... just naked
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
