I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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