remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
