I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
