if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
