it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
