Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
