did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i now understand why vodka
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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