im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize