so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
